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Welcome again, everybody. With us today is Bender of the animated program Futurama. It was produced by Matt Groening and takes place 1000 years in the future. Bender, why don't you explain it to us?
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Well, alright. I'm Bender, the coolest robot in the year 3000. I work at this lousy delivery place with a bunch of meatbags. Sometimes they're pretty cool. We deliver all sorts of crap to exotic and dangerous places, and I pick up all sorts of babes.
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So, what kind of people do you work with?
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I already told you! Meatbags. But I'll elaborate: There's my friend and roommate Fry. He's pretty dumb, even for a human, but he's cool. We're always drinkin' and gamblin' together. Then there's Leela, our ship captain. She's kind of uptight and she has this one big eye in the middle of her head. And there's an old guy and a bunch of other dorks.
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So now tell us about you. What makes Bender different from all the other girder-benders?
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'Cause I'm the best. I can kick the crap outta anybody, present company included. I run off beer and I can steal anything I want.
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Right. But it looks like there's a lot of friction between you and your coworkers, like you're lazy and always ticking them off.
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Yeah? You can bite my shiny metal--
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Woah there, Bender... there's words you can't say on this website.
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WHAT?! What kinda crap is this, anyway? Am I on some stupid family-oriented site? Do I have to act all sweet and prancy for some crummy little kids? This is crap!
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...
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I can say "crap", can't I?
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Sure.
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Good. Well in the interests of any little children wanting to be just like Bender when they grow up, I'll tone it down a little.
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Much appreciated. Speaking of children, is it true that at one point you were the adoptive father of twelve children?
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Ha ha ha! Yeah, those little jerks. That was one crazy fiasco. When it turned out they were costing me more money than they were earning me, I tried to sell them on the meat market, but that didn't work. They ended up right back in the Orphanarium where I got 'em. But not before I learned a valuable lesson.
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What's that?
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Kids are stupid... or something. Whatever.
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Okay, here's a question for you: Futurama seemed to be doing great. Then FOX pulled the plug, landing your show on a different network after midnight. What happened?
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Aw, those jerks at FOX! They had this lame show called Oliver Beene that they wanted to promote, so of course whose timeslot did they take? Mine! Oliver Beene just kept failing and failing, but it stayed put at its sweet Sunday evening timeslot while Futurama switched around repeatedly. Finally both our shows were dead and FOX sold us.
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I'm sorry to hear that because I was a big fan. And FOX wouldn't let them make new episodes on the Cartoon Network?
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Don't even get me started on that! When we robots finally destroy all the humans, FOX is going first.
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So you're pretty serious about wiping out the human race?
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Mostly. We'll probably keep some as pets and slaves.
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So is there any hoping for saving Futurama?
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Beats me. Even if we did it'd probably get knocked off the tubes again by some fleabag FOX sitcom that nobody likes. All's I think we could do is buy lots of Futurama DVDs. Money is all FOX listens to.
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You mean like The Family Guy did?
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*sigh* That sack of crap made it back and we didn't?
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Yeah, it's pretty sad, isn't it? But we're all pulling for you, Bender. Hey, how about this: We're about out of time, so are there any positive words you can leave us with?
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You bet! Ladies, gentlemen, celebrity heads, and hookerbots... hear me out! Bender's comin' back, and there's nothing you can do about it! And I'll make every last one of you lousy humans sorry!
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Thank you for your time, Bender.
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Yes, Bender's time is very limited and precious.
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