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So Captain Jack Sparrow we meet at last...
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It's a pleasure I'm sure.
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So what's it like being one of the coolest pirates ever?
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It's a lot better now that I have the Pearl back. The sequels are shaping up to be great adventures too.
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I hear in the future you plan to take on the infamous Davey Jones himself?
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Yeah, the world has not seen the end of Jack Sparrow. He and the Pearl and the whole gang will be back together soon.
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You like your ship a lot, huh?
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It's like this, mate: A ship means freedom for a pirate... I love that line. Seriously though it was a great set to shoot on.
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I bet... all those cannons and stuff. I'll bet you shot a lot of stuff!
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Oh yeah... in the one scene we just went crazy. People were shooting anything and everything we could get our hands on. It was all improv. It was a great scene.
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So back to the ship, why not steal the soldiers' cool ship and leave the cruddy old Pearl to the undead guys? Then you could have Freedom and a ship that attracts hotties.
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Heh heh, what?! Are you serious? You do realize it was a movie, right? If I had let the Pearl go and stole the good ship there would be no plot and the ticket sales would have come in lower than Haunted mansion.
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Haunted mansion? Wow, that sounds like one of Captain Sparrow's adventures I havn't heard yet. Maybe you can elaborate?
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Uhh, that was a Disney movie.
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Speaking of movies, what are your thoughts on Hollywood's portrayal of pirates?
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Well, I think they tend to make pirates more lovable than they actually were...
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What about Wesley in The Princess Bride? He was pretty cool. Some say he was the sexiest pirate ever. I think you could take him in a fight, though. Just don't let him near your wine. He cheats.
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Ummmm....
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But you were pretty suave in Pirates of the Carribean. You don't think Wesley would lose?
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I'm just an actor... all those fights were fake.
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I see, and I suppose the undead pirates were some elaborate special effect. Is that it?
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Exactly! My real name is Jhonny Depp, I just...
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LIAR!!!! You are Jack Sparrow!!!
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...
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...sorry. Let's move on...
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We have established the fact that you are a cooler pirate than Wesley, who was really more of like a ninja with all that black and the mask and stuff. We also know you could have kicked his butt in a real fight, but how would you stand against Captain Redbeard?
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Who?
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You know, Captain Redbeard the Lego pirate.
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I havn't had the pleasure of meeting him, I guess.
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Say hi, Captain Redbeard.
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...
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I see. It's nice to meet you...
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...
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He likes you, I think... So then, who would win in a fight between you two?
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I think I would. I'd just pull his head off and throw it overboard.
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Redbeard, what are your thoughts?
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...
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I agree.
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What did he say?
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He said he has no knee joints, so he thinks you would win too.
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You know, I thought I was playing a crazy role in this movie but you got me beat.
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You keep saying "acting" and "role" and "movie". What exactly do you mean by that?
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Look kid, I'm an actor. My name is Johnny Depp and I'm not really a pirate!
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That's not true. See? You're a pirate
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Cut that out. It's completely obvious you're using Photoshop.
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Oh yeah? How many illegal MP3's do you have?
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What? None! I pay for my music!
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And you call yourself a pirate! I have 120 terabytes of music. 121 if John Tesh counts as "music".
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THATS my point! I'm not a pirate, kid. I just pretended to be one!
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LIAR! I'll kill you! You are Jack Sparrow! He is the best pirate ever! I'll kill you!!!!!
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Sorry, Mr. Depp. He is a little out there... Please don't sue us.
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Your friend needs help.
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Yes, he does. But at least he didn't bite you like he did to Orlando Bloom.
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He bit me first! Redbeard was there! He saw it!
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...
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You traitor!
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Thanks for your time, Mr. Depp. I loved you in 21 Jump Street.
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You're welcome. It certainly has been... interesting.
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